Straight Talk
Leave Mom Home
Eileen Chalmin
I recently received a letter from Noah, a wheelchair user, about to
start his first professional job. He was uncertain if his parent, who
has acted as both his aide and activist all of his life, could accompany
him to help set up the worksite and then help him as needed on the job.
Noah, it’s a different world out there and my advice to you is—“Leave
Mom Home”!
You count on my column to offer answers to many of life’s challenges,
especially geared toward employment. Well, my focus here is to help
you make that transition, but more toward your attitude and expectations
than the actual job search or workplace transition.
Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses actually will make you a stronger
and a more competitive person within the business community. A realistic
understanding of who you are and how you got here is the only way you
will continue to grow and prosper. This article will help you gain greater
insight into all the efforts and forces behind your current success
and what it will take to continue on that path.
Living with a disability as children and teenagers was challenging but
there was always someone advocating on your behalf. For many of you,
it was a parent, fiercely demanding services and accommodations to level
the playing or should we say “learning” field. The laws
were also on your side and schools needed to comply to provide reasonable
and sometimes less than reasonable requests for services and accommodations.
The higher education system still meets many of your special needs but
we all probably agree to a much lesser extent than early public education.
Well, brace yourself; you’re in for a bumpy ride! The business
world, though certainly aware that people have disabilities and that
the Americans with Disabilities Act ensures access to public buildings,
conveyances, and employment, does not significantly reduce all the challenges
a person living with a disability will encounter in the work environment.
Welcome To The Real World
Mom or Dad or even the Americans with Disabilities Act have little clout
here. It is up to you to do all the homework and learn about your options.
Sure you can try to demand “equal everything” but it is
a huge battle and although you may win some individual fights, there
is still a war out there.
When you think about the challenges you’ve already overcome, you
are rightfully proud of your accomplishments. People tell you what an
inspiration you are and receiving a pat on the back for getting where
you are today is commonplace. Yes, you deserve the admiration and it
has likely been a difficult road but it is time to recognize and give
some credit to the tireless caregivers who were your advocates. They,
because you were young, fought for you to be included in the mainstream
of the education and social systems. They helped you climb the hill
to challenge your abilities and achieve your dreams. You did the work
but they were the dragon slayers.
So, here you are. Whether you are a college student, a new graduate
looking for that all-important and elusive first job, or a seasoned
professional trying to climb the business ladder, you all know challenge.
Just when you think you’ve made it, new challenges appear. Don’t
get discouraged. Always remember how far you’ve already come despite
the odds and naysayers—you can do it again and again if necessary
and you probably will.
Available Resources
There are resources available to you and I encourage you to learn what
they are and use them. They include agencies that specialize in your
specific disability, community organizations anxious to step in where
and when they are needed, and government agencies mandated to oversee
and assist as needed. They will never replace Mom and Dad who love you
unconditionally but they do and can make a difference and help you during
this next phase of your life. Cultivate relationships in these agencies
and use their services as you need them. It’s also a great idea
to work with them when everything goes well, perhaps fund raising, attending
functions, or as an advocate, mentor, or inspiration for others, not
yet as accomplished as you.
Your time is now. It is important to set goals that are achievable independently.
Continue to challenge yourself and prepare for the next hurdle. Life
is a series of challenges and as you meet and exceed one there is always
another waiting ahead. Embrace the idea that life continues to change
and new possibilities are ever present. This change is what makes life
interesting—it is what makes you interesting. Live your life to
the fullest and always strive to be the best you can be. Find new advocates
and make believers out of them but remember to keep Mom and Dad on the
sidelines to cheer you on.
Good luck and as always, let me know how you are doing.
